Crumbs from the Communion Table: Four ways Christians are getting the gay debate wrong.

gcnjustin:

Yesterday, basketball center Jason Collins became the first professional American athlete to come out as gay while still active in a team sport.

As soon as the news broke, the religious debates started. Christians expressed their disapproval; Christians came to his defense; people accused one…

Another excellent post from Justin Lee, author of “TORN: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays vs. Christians Debate.”

If you want to see how far we’ve come, check out Time’s recent coverage of changes in attitude toward marriage equality. If you want to see how far we have to go, read the public comments. timelightbox: Photograph by Peter Hapak for TIME Jake Harrison, 31, interior design & Christopher Cunningham, 38, talent agent Together for 4 years, live in Los Angeles Christopher (right): “We met in Brooklyn in 2008 and we pretty much knew a week in that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Getting married always seemed like something that wasn’t an option and never would be so we tried not to think about it too much. We knew we were happily committed and we made do with that. Now, just because of the way things are changing so quickly, we might get married.” Continue reading here.
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If you want to see how far we’ve come, check out Time’s recent coverage of changes in attitude toward marriage equality.

If you want to see how far we have to go, read the public comments.

timelightbox:

Photograph by Peter Hapak for TIME

Jake Harrison, 31, interior design & Christopher Cunningham, 38, talent agent Together for 4 years, live in Los Angeles

Christopher (right): “We met in Brooklyn in 2008 and we pretty much knew a week in that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Getting married always seemed like something that wasn’t an option and never would be so we tried not to think about it too much. We knew we were happily committed and we made do with that. Now, just because of the way things are changing so quickly, we might get married.”

Continue reading here.

The (Rainbow-Colored) Elephant in the Room + a Book Recommendation

It’s been roughly four months since I sent the coming-out letter to my parents, and I have mixed emotions about where things stand. In short, my being gay has become the (rainbow-colored) elephant in the room; it’s simply not discussed…at least not with me. I don’t press the situation because I’ve said everything I have to say, and I suppose I should be thankful that my father is no longer offering to send me to Straight Camp. Still, I feel that there’s a certain artificiality to our relationship, though it’s certainly not as plastic as it was before I came out to them; I no longer feel the need to edit my life, and I’m not afraid of slipping up and saying something that will give them a coronary. For the first time in my entire life, I feel I can, for the most part, let down my guard around my parents.

On occasion I get reports from my brother that my dad has made some comment to him about how he’s done research and has found stories of happy ex-gays, but of course they’re all from websites of ex-gay ministries or others who believe gay people should and can be cured. I’ve stated in no uncertain terms to my father that I don’t need to be “fixed,” so all I can do is continue living my life in a way that proves to them that all of the negative images they have of gay people don’t apply to me, and hopefully they’ll eventually realize that I’m the rule, not the exception.

On a related note, last month I had the immense pleasure of reading a book called “Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate” by Justin Lee. This book is simply fantastic. Like Justin, I grew up a “God boy” with a relatively normal and happy childhood, so I throw a kink in the belief that gay people are the product of an absent father and/or domineering mother or that we were all sexually abused as children. He provides a very level-headed dissection of all of the Bible verses and other arguments many Christians and their churches use to vilify gay people, challenging the church to rethink its stance on the LGBT community and vice-versa.

When I tweeted my admiration of the book, my brother looked it up and immediately purchased a copy for our parents. I’m not sure if he’s given it to them yet or if they’ve read it (or if they even will), but it does an excellent job of articulating all of the ways I was able to reconcile my being gay with the Christian faith that I was raised with. It says everything I’d want to say to my father and others who are so staunch in their beliefs, and I hope he will one day be able to read it with and open mind and process what it has — and, by proxy, I have — to say.

Thank you, NPR

This morning, NPR’s Neda Ulaby had an extensive and quite good overview of the visibility of gay people on TV. And you know what she and NPR had the balls to do that few other news outlets will? They didn’t invite someone from Focus on the Family, the National Organization for Marriage or some other extremist group to talk about how this is harmful to the younger generation or how it’s one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Why wouldn’t they invite a counter argument? Because it’s simply not necessary.

NPR — along with every major medical and psychological association, the president of the United States, and an increasing number of regular folks — knows that gay people are simply another thread in the diverse tapestry that is humanity. We’re fully functional members of society, not moral degenerates who need to be cured or otherwise stamped out before we impose some vicious agenda on the world. NPR felt no more compelled to include an opposing voice in this report than they would were they reporting on the number of racial minority characters on TV; they wouldn’t invite someone from the KKK or Aryan Nations to provide commentary on the latter, so why give a platform to those who vilify LGBT people based on whom they love or their gender identity?

So, thank you, NPR. Your report was a great way to start this shortened work week. It gives me hope that society is on the right path, and it further solidifies my respect and appreciation for all you do.

One month in…

It’s been a little over a month since I sent the coming-out letter to my parents, and I suppose things are about as good as they should be. My brother and his family were tied to middle Tennessee for Thanksgiving, so -– fearing that if it were just me at my parent’s house for the holiday, our father would attempt some sort of intervention with me -– my brother invited us all to their house. Mom was nice and chatty and seemed to genuinely enjoy the day, though my father was cordial, but stand-offish. My nephew and his girlfriend plus his girlfriend’s mother were there, so the rainbow-colored elephant in the room was never addressed. 

My parents were only at my brother’s house for the afternoon then drove the 4.5 hours back to East Tennessee. I opted to spend the night and got in some quality time with my brother. I’ve talked to Mom a couple of times since then, though Dad has been incommunicado.

While my brother and I weren’t very close growing up – due in large part to the six years’ difference in our ages – I greatly value his friendship now. It meant a great deal when, the day after Thanksgiving, he told me that when I have a partner, he and I are both welcome at my brother’s house for the holidays. Mom and Dad will be invited as well, so it’ll be up to them –- or, more specifically, our father –- as to whether they participate. That’s the kind of acceptance and unconditional love that helps me maintain a great deal of peace about the decision to finally come out to my parents, even with the distance that’s grown between my father and me. I would love it if one day he were to accept me exactly as I am, though in all honesty, I doubt that will ever happen.

All hail the power of the vortex…

No matter what I tell my father, he’s convinced I was straight until I moved to Asheville. He can’t conceive that someone would feign crushes on girls because that’s what they thought they were supposed to do. And never mind that those girls were consistently beauty queens and FABULOUS. Or that while I was supposedly crushing on a girl at church camp, I could barely sleep at night because the guy I had a true, gargantuan crush on was sleeping in the bunk bed five feet from mine.

One of the biggest issues I have with the “choosing/recruited to be gay” argument is it implies that everyone’s a little bit gay and can be converted. Thank god that’s not the case, because I don’t want to live in a world where Nicolas Cage could possibly play for my team. Seriously, straight folk…he’s all yours.

I’m tempted to ask my dad if the reason he so dislikes visiting Asheville is that he’s afraid he’ll be recruited, though he wouldn’t find that statement as absurdly hysterical as I would.

PS: Here’s an explanation of the “vortex” for the uninitiated.